Sitting in the doc's office the other day, I received questions/comments from others waiting. This is common. Many say "oh how cute! how old is he?" - i really don't like the age questions as Micah is 7 1/2 months old but is quite small. I'll admit I tell strangers is 5-6 months and they still gasp! Sometimes I qualify the statement and say "he was adopted from Ethiopia - we just brought him home". I think now I might just let the strangers believe that I don't feed him enough :) It's easier. Consider this conversation even that I had:
Stranger: How old is he? He's soo cute!?
Me: About 6 months.
Stranger: Wow! He's small.
Me: thinking (golly I hadn't noticed) - "yeah, we adopted him from Ethiopia"
Stranger: "OH, so he's not really yours"
Me: Yes he's ours, we adopted him. He's my son.
I don't think this stranger meant anything rude by her comments - I really don't think she knew what she was saying. She was not educated on adoption language. In other words, she is ignorant of the sensitivity in words needed around adoptive parents, but MOST importantly, their children. I hope Micah never hears a stranger say these words when he is older and can understand what others are saying. How horrible for a child to hear someone say to his mother "oh so he's not really yours"
Micah, you are MY son, you are MINE! You are my "own", "real" and "natural" child. I am your "real" and "natural" parent. I chose you and I would choose you again and again. You will always be my son and will always be a Richardson in our forever family!
So for all you bloggies who read this blog, below is adoption language 101. I encourage you, if you are friends/family of ours, and will be a part of Micah's life, to do a google search of "positive adoption language" if you are unfamiliar with adoption language or catch yourself saying "I might adopt after I have my own children"
Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.Rita Laws, PhD
1 year ago
3 comments:
Hey, he's gonna catch up size-wise in no time! My daughter was adopted, and I've always been careful to refer to her adoption in the past tense and not use it as a "label". Like "was adopted" instead of "is adopted", etc. Tried to emphasize that adoption is more about a legal process that happened in the past that helped make us a family, not a label that defines who she is. Hard to explain - hope that makes sense!
Mary in Marysville
WOw- it's hard, isn't it....My dad overheard something similar this past weekend. It hurts, but they don't know what they are saying. HOpefully with more people like you providing such great posts, they will :)
I know, I know...morons are coming out of the woodwork here in AL, too -- ha ha!!
You're doing great!! Our little Micah really started to pack on the pounds in the last 7 days (5th week home) -- hang in there!! :)))
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